I choose me

When I was growing up, I always envisioned that one day I would be married with children. As I’ve gotten older, I have thought to myself, I could see it going either way. I could see myself being married, I could see myself being single. I could see myself with children, I could see myself without children. I now know regardless of what happens, I WILL be happy. 
It’s shocking to me that I have even come to this acceptance. Because…
I love love. I’ve been in love AND been loved a time or two. In fact, I’ve been so deeply loved that I have thought to myself, No man has or will ever love another woman more, than the way this man loves me right now. And then they have. I have an overwhelming feeling of gratitude. I will never take for granted that I have known love that some people spend their whole life in seek of.
Being a mother is something that I always knew I would be exceptional at. I can say that with confidence, because I have had an amazing example for a mother. My identity rests firmly and happily on one fact; I am my mother’s daughter.

Most people equate personal happiness and/or success with romantic love and offspring. I don’t doubt the genuine joy married couples and/or parents have. But I believe unmarried and childless adults can be blissful and triumphant too. I believe this because I am in love with life. I can literally do nothing and marvel at moments of life that are utterly and simply sweet. I love living. My romance with life is enough confirmation for me to know that regardless of what happens, married or single, kids or not, I will be happy. 

My therapist told me that I’m self aware. Self Awareness is having a clear perception of your personality, including strengths, weaknesses, thoughts, beliefs, motivation, and emotions. Self Awareness allows you to understand other people, how they perceive you, your attitude and your responses to them in the moment. He meant it as a compliment and I received it as a validating statement. The most important and longest relationship of MY life is with ME. I know me better than anyone else. 
In recent days I’ve been taking stock of my life. Being the self aware human that I am, I’ve discovered a difficult and surprising truth. 
I’m better off being single than in a relationship. Unfortunately, I have not mastered loving someone without pieces of myself chipping away. I believe this is common in relationships but I refuse to be a lesser version of myself. In my experiences, thus far, I am my best when I’m single. 
I am the polar opposite of close minded. The chapter is not closed on future romance and/or children. But until I partner up with someone who challenges me to rise higher and/or adds to my individual growth, I choose me.