Epiphany

I owe myself the biggest apology for putting up with what I didn’t deserve.

Sweet girl, I’m so sorry.

God, thank you for showing me that sometimes holding on does more damage than letting go.

My pain turned to sadness and my sadness to anger and my anger to tears.

Healthy anger has tremendous potential for good. Anger is always a secondary emotion caused by a primary emotion such as hurt, frustration or fear. Healthy anger can serve as a signal, an alarm or a warning sign that something is wrong, that a boundary is being violated, that we are in danger, that there has been an injustice.

I prayed months ago, Lord, you’ve given me the foresight to see the writing on the wall, please help me to accept.

For me, understanding leads to acceptance and acceptance leads to restoration. However, I am not in seek of restoring what once was. I am in seek of renewal. To restore is to reestablish, or bring back into existence while to renew is to make (something) new again. I don’t want change, I want transformation. Change is described as “to substitute or replace something.” “Transformation,” on the other hand, is defined as “a complete change, usually into something with an improved appearance or usefulness.”

This.

This breaking will lead to building.

This struggle will lead to strength.

This will not make me bitter, but better.

This will not make me tougher, but tender.

This will not be my destruction, but my construction.

This pain will have purpose.

God will turn “This.”

mess into a message

test into a testimony

trial into a triumph

victim into a victory

Some people get lost for so long they forget what it was like to be themselves. I’m finding myself again…renewed.